nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
A true friend
remembers your birthday but not your age.
intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said I needed an upgrade.
The old lady was being interviewed by reporters
on the occasion of her 110th birthday. "What do you think is the
reason for your long life?" they asked her. "Oh," she
replied, "I suppose it's because I was born such a long time
I'll never make the mistake of being 70
do you always get on your birthday?
A: Another year older!
did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A: A trunk full of gifts!
do you give a 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes
what it used to be.
I intend to
live forever -- so far, so good!
Start every day
with a smile and get it over with.
You know you are getting old when the candles
cost more than the cake...
You still chase women, but only downhill.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If
you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
There's a silver lining to being a cancer
People said to me, "Are you freaked out that you're turning
Hell, no. I'm thrilled to be turning 50.
bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the
boss shook it
slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger
to the wet spot
and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A
His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
about temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat
"Next time don't eat the
Rock stars used
to say, "Don't trust anyone over 30!"
Now that many are over 50 they say, "Oops, we didn't mean us."
If there are 23
people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a
been proven mathematically.
A Story from Soupy Sales:
hot day--there's a traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas
when he sees a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a
house. So he stops and says to the little old man, "You look as if
you don't have a care in the world! What's your formula for a long and
And the little old man says, "Well, I
smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four
hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every
night; I don't get to bed until four in the morning."
the guy says, "Wow, that's just great. How old are
And the little man says,
candles is good exercise for the lungs.
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
Where would you
learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.
You know you're getting older when...
it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Think about this:
are not annual affairs.
Real birthdays are the days when we have a new birth.
The high cost of living hasn't affected its
Time and tide
wait for no sandcastle,
no matter how well it's built.
All the world's
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.
What did George
Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in
They were all born on holidays.
Nice to be
here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
What does every birthday end
to you...and many more!