nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.
intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said I needed an upgrade.
The old lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 110th birthday. "What do you think is the reason for your long life?" they asked her. "Oh," she replied, "I suppose it's because I was born such a long time ago."
I'll never make the mistake of being 70
do you always get on your birthday?
A: Another year older!
did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A: A trunk full of gifts!
do you give a 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
I intend to
live forever -- so far, so good!
Start every day
with a smile and get it over with.
You know you are getting old when the candles
cost more than the cake...
You still chase women, but only downhill.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If
you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
There's a silver lining to being a cancer
People said to me, "Are you freaked out that you're turning 50?"
Hell, no. I'm thrilled to be turning 50.
Don't worry about temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat
"Next time don't eat the candles."
Rock stars used
to say, "Don't trust anyone over 30!"
Now that many are over 50 they say, "Oops, we didn't mean us."
If there are 23 people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday. It's been proven mathematically.
A Story from Soupy Sales:
It's a hot day--there's a traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas when he sees a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a house. So he stops and says to the little old man, "You look as if you don't have a care in the world! What's your formula for a long and happy life?"
And the little old man says, "Well, I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night; I don't get to bed until four in the morning."
And the guy says, "Wow, that's just great. How old are you?"
And the little man says, "Twenty-two."
Blowing out candles is good exercise for the lungs.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Where would you
learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.
You know you're getting older when...
it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Think about this:
Real birthdays are not annual affairs.
Real birthdays are the days when we have a new birth.
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Time and tide
wait for no sandcastle,
no matter how well it's built.
All the world's
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.
Nice to be
here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
What does every birthday end
Happy birthday to you...and many more!